// How Not To Get Turned Out in New York City Part 1 (Pop Up Friends) //

How Not To Get Turned Out in New York City Part 1 (Pop Up Friends)

By Mike “Mancini” McConnell

Living in NYC you are always surrounded by really FUN and CHARMING people who seem like they specialize in creating circles of  “Pop Up Friends.” The majority of relationships these people create don’t really have any depth or purpose. It’s almost like a high school friendship where the only goal is to sit at the same table with a certain crowd that are all dressed alike.

As an entrepreneur, your most precious commodity is TIME and you have to be careful of opening yourself up to toxic people. Please understand there is a difference between socializing with people for personal and financial gain. These folks are usually bored, nosey, gossipy, and will gladly use you as the subject of some random lunch topic. There is no advantage to telling complete strangers your personal business so they can use it against you. All we have, as entrepreneurs are our reputations and since NO one is perfect I suggest being cautious.

How can you spot these people?

 Gossip

1. They love gossip. I mean I have nothing against a good story, but I’ve been told, “Those who gossip with you will gossip about you.” It just seems society has made gossip acceptable and having the courage to say things to people directly is unpopular.  I personally despise gossip and think it’s a coward’s way of dealing with issues. If you’re running a “client based” business how do you expect people to trust you with their intimate business secrets?

Instant Friends

2. This delusional person is quick to call “everyone” his or her friends over night. I’m no friendship expert or Mr. Rogers, but just because you’ve had brunch or shared a brewski with someone two weekends in a row doesn’t qualify him or her as a friend. A friendship takes time to develop and is just like any other relationship. As an entrepreneur, building REAL long lasting relationships is key. The relationships with your client will continuously evolve and if you don’t know how to nurture them you’ll be disappointed.

The Turn Out

3. Look, some people want to be turned out and others don’t even see it coming. These people are amazing at turning others on to their bad habits and quick to drag you down to their level. If this person just wants to feed you alcohol or drugs as a means of escape then they are looking for company in their misery. NO one should feel pressured to do any substance just to hang out. You’re a LEADER and need to recognize that fact.  The reason we thrive as business owners is because we have good instincts and march to the beat of our own drums.

Value Opinions

4. Real friendships allow room for opinions and original thought. If the person you have decided to share your Saturday evening with doesn’t value your opinion and feel like everything they say is the gospel truth then RUN.  You should hang around people that respect the things you have to say. The “Pop- Up” friend loves keeping “YES MEN/WOMEN” around them. How you communicate in your personal life will ultimately affect how you communicate in your professional life.

Watch The Kick

5. This city is rough and people go through tough times. When you find this person laughs at other people’s misfortunes and bad luck it’s pretty much guaranteed your “Pop Up” friend will do the same to you in the long run. I really do believe in karma and what you put out in the universe will always come back to visit you again.

I’ve been told judgment is for “Jesus and Santa” so since none of us are perfect the best we can do is be careful about the decisions we make in our personal lives. This blog entry is not about being judgmental or frightened but rather re-learning how to make real connections in an otherwise tricky city. The truth is a friendship is not about possession or popularity. You need people around you that want to see you healthy, happy, and share the same principles. We have to remind ourselves that just because someone is FUN doesn’t qualify him or her as a GOOD person.

Mike “Mancini” McConnell is a brand consultant, marketer and speaker based in New York City. The founder of Team Mancini a brand consulting and marketing agency. @TeamMancini